Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
