Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I would fuck him just for his dog
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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