Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
