So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
