you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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