i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
