This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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