In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
