Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
