...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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