please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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