"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
