im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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