thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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