I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize