The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
