In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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