i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
