I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
