you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
