operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
