watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think people are normalizing furries
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
