I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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