Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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