Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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