please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
