I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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