I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize