i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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