I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize