Non-Jews are for practice
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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