guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
