where am i from again
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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