Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
