Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
