Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
