if i can run in heels then i can drive
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize