i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
