Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
