Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
