i jhust puked up my retainher.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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