Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
