you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Success! We fucked roommates!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
