yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
