He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
