wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
