I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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