I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
