i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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