So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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