i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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