Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
