:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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