I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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