I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
