she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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