Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
50% drunk capacity currently
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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