I hate your face
Sponge bath it is.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
