3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
whose ass print is on the piano?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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