Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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