He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Randomize
