put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
