For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
