Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
