Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
