does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
