Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
