That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
