just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
