all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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