in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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