I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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