I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can I color on your dick again?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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