i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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