My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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