How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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